Monday, August 18, 2008

.........

i failed again... looks like u are reallie the onli person who can understand mi well... i didn't even call or msg u how on earth did u know i wasn't feeling ok? sigh... yet again, and again, and again i am struggling... for what i dunno... for who i dun wish to acknoledge... am i running away yet again? i dun think i can deny... but what's the point in all this revalations placed b4 mi? itz not like i can do anything abt it, itz more like i dun wanna do anything about it... i'm still tryin to make out and think of a reason for why on earth did u ever appear in my already shitty life, not like i need any help in making it more complicated then it already has... why on earth would i? not that it will do mi any good right? i'm very stressed up and tight because of u... wondering alot of why why whys but no answer, no conclusion... again itz a case of emotion vs logical, right vs wrong, suppossed to vs want to... what's wrong with my past life i sometimes ask myself... not like i hurt anyone did i? did i hurt u?, no, in fact i onli hurt u when i ''left''... so why did i wanna change? i once said to u as a promise, the day i stop loving u will be the day i close my eyes, forever... maybe itz gg to come true soon, i dunno... or maybe i'll break my promise... i dunno... maybe, maybe, maybe, so many possibilities again and yet no answer... what does the future holds for us? happiness if we're together? i dunno... so what if we're not together? it doesn't mean anything does it? u told mi u're with ys didn't u? or izt just another hoax to test my reactions? so mani things i keep wondering but still, yet no answer... sometimes i feel like i've already have my wings of love broken, and daren't love again... itz almost like u're gg to be the last person i truely ever love... itz reallie not just a mistake tt i did in the past, how i wish tt it reallie was onli a mistake... if life were a computer, it'll be good, at least i can just go to the history section and deleten off everything, and everything will start afresh, or do a system reboot... but no! itz not tt simple... i always live by a ''simple'' rule, nv live to regret ur actions... is tt rule of mine going to be broken, again? i reallie dun wish for it... itz already broken 4 times, and yes that includes ur case... my decision is hanging on a thread now... u reallie make things swing in ur way, but things aren't reallie tt simple now... itz not just about going back or not... if onli it was that simple! i wont be typing all my shit thoughts out on the computer already...

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