.....

and one more... "what would truly have happened vs what we imagine could have happened"...

i know, i know, i totally know what u are toking abt.. but does it helps? these few days i've been receiving alot of encouraging messages from alot of ppl... ppl who have been reallie caring, wanting to care about mi.. i guess i'm just being selfish again? sigh... true, things could have turne out so much more differently, for both sides, in both ways, two total different worlds, two totally different cases, two totally extreme senarios... itz scary, it reallie is... in actual fact, i had a chance to turn back but somehow, the train went past mi again w/o mi on it... yet again some ppl told mi, and yet again there're ppl here telling mi to stop chasing the train and forget about the next train... why? so much trouble... maybe i should just go kill myself, that would settle it all wont it? the ''root of all the problems'' would have been eliminated and so will all the problems... i'm reallie tired of fighting... is backing out realie my onli true workable option left? it reallie seems so, more and more likely... but somehow i am still not backing out, why i ask myself, i cant give a reason too... something is holding mi back, something unexplainable, something strong... the thread is breaking lose, i reallie have not much time left... to make a decision in such a short time is always what i dont like, and again i may just be left alone on the platform missing the train again as it slows down to wait for mi... i realliie wish ppl on the train will stop and reach out but it seems impossible whent he train ios going at such a speed and there are so mani distractions on board the train... dun understand what i am toking about? it doesn;t reallie matter... i guess it wont matter in the end...