Frogiveness

Forgiveness
what does it mean to u???

forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting to remember, but remembering to forget...

easy to say but difficult to do la... toking to some ppl has made mi realise alot of things... including the need for mi to forgive other ppl and other ppl forgiving mi...

mi to forgive other ppl...
forgiving ppl for mi has always i would say be a no problem thing, just let mi cool down for a ten twenty minutes and u will see mi with the person like we never quarreled b4... my temper may be short sometimes but i certainly have quite a big heart... but wat about things tt ppl done to u that has a forever lasting imprint in u tt wont ever go away? things not like someone taking away my sweet or someone borrowing my pencil w/o asking for permission... things tt had hurt me and i will never forget, things tt changed my lifestyle, changed the way i am and who i am? i dun think i can just treat it as it had never happened b4... things tt changed the way other ppl looks at u, things tt make u different from wat u used to be, izt all so easy to be forgotten, if not, den what more can i say abt forgiving the ppl who inflicted this change?

maybe it wasn't totally their fault, maybe itz just me... they didn't force mi to change, i accepted it myself, they didn't hurt mi, i accepted it myself, they didn'y make mi different from what i used to be, i choose tt way, they didn't put a gun on my head to make mi do anything tt i didn't want to, I WAS THE PERSON WHO CHANGED MYSELF WILLINGLY!!! so the person behind all these mess is? right, none other then mi... so who should i forgive? myself...

toking is easy, but how do u forgive urself when u created such a hoohaa and upset to the ppl around u? now i have hurt ppl unwillingly, i made them sad, worried, maybe even angry i don't know... worse off, some of them don't even know what is happening and they are praying for mi all the time... how can i forgive myself when i have done all these horrendous things?

other ppl to forgive mi...
for those tt know what has happened, they would surely say upfront tt they have forgiven mi and accepted mi but who on earth will know what is inside their heart or minds? can anyone even accept mi for who i have become after they know?

for those tt do not know what happen, they will surely want to know what has happened... but can they handle the impact of the whole situation if i really told them? will they treat mi differently for who or what i have become? will they still accept mi for who i am? will they will they will they... so many questions but no answer... will the answers be known to mi? i guess so if i really came out and tell them what happened... but the consequences will be unthinkable... what if the opposite of all i had thought happened? what if what if what if... the ultimate question, CAN THEY FORGIVE MI?

i guess i will never know ba...