random post..

haven blogged for a long time le... at least for mi it seems like a long time ba... ppl ask mi how i can keep on blogging non stop... i always say itz not just abt bloging... posts may seem random and so on but ultimately, itz just my life, my thoughts, mi... haven had someone/something who would listen to mi and nv complain for so long le, ok not very long but still, i'm am just enjoying every moment of writing to my blog... it never complains... =D

sat in camp is always so sianz... at least i have something to do this time... met ailing ytd and was challenged to something which actually truthfully speaking, i knew it was coming sooner or later... but she said something that actually struck mi...

''CYYAM have given u so muich, iznt it about time u gave back something?''
or something like tt la...

ok to say tt i totally nv give back is totally wrong as i know it myself and think it shows... *at least tt's what i think la... but to say i nv give back enough is what i will agree with, no denial... of course there are alot of holdin backs... no doubt time will be the major concern and factor... being in army, time is always not under ur own control... personal problem is another major factor... being STILL not able to control my emotions well, i am reallie doubtful of my own ability to handle something so big scale... so after analysing, i still think tt itz a 50/50... still undecided... haiz...

and well, God did tok to mi, tru people of course... but i am still holding back... perhaps i need more time to think and pray abt it... no doubt i need more time... itz not like something i can rush tru it... oh well, all this thinking makes mi hungry... think i need to go take dinner..

oh man... just saw the dinner... cannot make it... haiz.. think suan le ba... just eat the night snacks will do lolx... sigh... army... CMI CMI CMI!!! and everyone is enjoying themselves playing badminton now haiz... and here i am... just lugged 15 person's ration back all by myself... haiz... sickening... welfare and care for soilders?? i dun think so man...

just got wind tt the operation is going to end on may 15 for our side, which is soon.. =D but oh well, still have duty clerks to do haiz... sadded... 7 plus more months... haiz... freak... cant stand army life... got news tt a few of my frenz going in soon le... one of them, july 9th!!! one day b4 my b'day, how sad... haiz... cant celebrate with him le... haha tt was so random... =D

wondering abt life after army suddenly.. seems like everything is so bleak... lie i have not even decided what to do after army... haiz... future undecided and all, it reallie sucks to have this feeling... not like i am the best and smartest person around... and in singapore, u wont survive unless u are a genius... what freak... how?? so mani things i wanna do but always something holding mi back... always some issues to solve and all... cant stand it... forget it... must start to lok out for courses and al le...