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i am totally lost and confused by every single one out there... everyone is telling mi the same thing, itz all for urown good... and then what do i do? nothing... how wonderful... nobody's blaming nobody for what happened... in fact, nobody cares, i guess... i'm like a total freak myself now... nobody knows what i am thinking even... aint tt great? like how would anyone know? not when they have not been tru what i've been tru b4... like hey, u say u understand, do u reallie?!?!? i'm not self blaming or self accusing... i hate to see my frenz worried for mi... and i dun want them to be... but i cant do anything to help it... why am i landed in such a situation?? fate? what has fate done to mi? why am i so down and out suddenly... like not long ago i tried to pick up and now again... yet again... i find myself in such a situation... i reallie make things diffucult myself right? ya... i know itz all my fault... i shouldn't have done some things, made some decisions in the first place... what for is there to regret right now? i used to lead a double life and i was tired of it... yes i am still tired of it... but what can i do about it? my decision to not lead a doublelife has been reallie furtile... just like mi leading my one man army trying to take down the evil doers' castle... sure lose... wait and them to attack and then defend u say... but how can u fight against the surge of armies upon armies that come upon u and swollow anything up with itz temptation and ethics? how would u understand when this enemy has not conquered u b4? no u wouldn't... i keep wanting to give up but i know i cant... but knowing is one thing, not giving up is another... i'm trying to not let anyone worry... but the more i do that, the more they worry about mi... how funny... not that i dun wan anyone to care but i just reallie dun want to trouble anyone... itz not nice when they each hve their own problems to handle already and i have to be here to trouble them to take up my burden too... somehow i think guilt has creeped upon mi and i cant let it down... neither can i let go alot of other things... the strive to become the person whom i once was, WHERE ARE U?!?!?!?!?!?!