love or hate u guys, i know u want the best for mi... thanx...

i hate all of u people out there giving mi all the presents and cards... i hate u all for caring so much for mi!!! it makes mi feel so useless and not living up to all the expectations that u people are so call setting for mi... most of the cards that i have read so far left mi speechless and made mi cry... i know what i should do and roughly how i should go about doing it... but so far i cant... i hate ty and wen... why gimmi such a disc that i relate so well with? yesh u guessed right , i am listening to the songs as i blog this very moment... i dun understand why things happen to mi, like to him but i can feel that he is experiencing joy in his life right now... oh how i wish i can be like him... but i cant... why? why? why? i hate yr and zl... the cover of the cd case already made mi know what's coming... oh did anyone tell u all that my mum wanted to call mi Paul in the first place? the bookmark??? thanx alot... it made me feel so much guilter... i dunno what to say to u all... thanx??? ya i know u all are trying to help mi alright? i never doubted ur sincerity and i wished that i can really repay u people somehow... i dunno what i can do for u but i hope i can do something, at least something that will make u all happie...

hey... i received ur present... i reallie reallie thank u for it too... sent by mail must have cost u quite alot but i dun think u even mind abit ba... not my point anyway... can i throw it away? it will onli cause mi memories if i keep it but whatever, i hope it will be the last present i receive from u... i know that u will have a hard time too just like mi but promise mi u will be strong? just like when other people go out of ur life, u will think u cannot make it for a tiime being, but after a while u will stand up on ur own again le... dun fret u still have them.... yes u know who am i referring to... u know what? i bet u will be happier with them... i hope so... dun think about mi le la... u will be stronger without mi... u can do it de... i promise i will certainly meet u again someday kkz... when i am stronger, when i am more clear of myself, when i know who i really am, when i see my future directions...
thanx for all the times u have had with mi... i thank you for ur love, care concern... i know it was all sincere, same for mine... i thank you for letting mi see the world, so different from what i knew it was, so complicated, so exciting, so dangerous... thanx for letting mi play a part in your life, i reallie hope that i could have done so much more then what i have onli did... i know we both haven had enough but come and think of it, when will it ever be enough? i rather we both face the hard fact and truth now then look back at our lives and regret later... i really haven regret my actions, words or feelings to u at all... in fact i feel sorry that i haven really expressed much to u, always being passive... whatever it is, i hope u cum to understand that my decision is really what i hope a final one and one that reallie has the best interests for both of us... u may be shocked at the sudden decision, but i have really been struggling with this decision for very long le... i know that once i made a choice, i may have to face drastic consequences that i will never face if i stayed with u but nonetheless, forgive mi for being selfish if u want to say so but i think itz time we stopped... i thank God for putting u in my life for a season and a reason... from now on, i will embark on the journey of trying to understand why God put u here in my life... i know that our ties will not end here as with u know hu though he is in the states now, but i promise u that it will be a brand new relationship, different form what we used to experience... u may not believe, i find it hard to see that happening to but i really hope that it will happen... gimmi a chance again after i re-organise my life ok?




some random post to some random ppl... see if u can make out urself...

to u who jus decided to start a new life, congrats in making that decision... i know u been tru much too... living a life that u dun wan... but look at u now, u have solved ur problems le... so enjoy ur new lease of life ba... thank you for being such a listening ear to mi and counsellor at times, u have kind of inspired mi to work hard, or maybe harder on my own problems too... hope that u will still be there for mi...

to u who have recently started to pick up, i must say i'm thankful for ur frankness at times, be true to urself, understand y u make certain decisions... and really hope that things will improve for u ya? things have been hard for u but jia you...

to u who have always been there for mi, i think God for u really... know that u have ur commitments, so many ppl to meet yet u still choose to help mi, replying my messages with so much thought, i can see tt really... hpe tt i really am not bothering u...

to u have may just have seen an open road from God very recently, i know that times have been hard for u but now u see the silver lining behind the dark clouds? i bet u have learnt alot alot from all these experiences le ba... continue to jia you and keep faith, dun lose hope and keep smiling... thanx for praying for mi too... love that bookmark, stop making mi cry...

to u who have always been there for mi since God knows when, i think i have been real selfish to you, genuinely apologise for that... u have time and time allowed mi to enter ur life to help u out with the problems u have but i have not done the same... i'm sorrie... not living up to ur expectations perhaps? forgive this poor boi ok?

itz better to look ahead and prepare then to look back and regret...

机会

独自一人坐在宁静的角落

回忆起往事常刺痛我心头

有谁能够真正的明白了解我

不是我愿意一错再错

已是很久很久以前的过错

为何至今人人还在躲避我

处处遭人白眼处处遭人拒绝

请你相信我 这种滋味并不好受

不是我不想改过 任是岁月空蹉跎

是否有人肯给我机会重新再来过

不是我不想改过 只是自己太软弱

所以需要你伸出援手扶持着

并解开我 心门的枷锁

trust mi, i can really relate to this song very much*esp those highlighted*, those who understand will understand those who dun and wanna understand just try to ba, u could try to ask but i dun promise answers... pray for mi ba... i can see the tough journey back home... itz long, itz narrow, itz hard to walk... but in front i see u people, jia you jayson...