我好想好想飞

如果说了后悔是不是一切就能倒退

回忆多么美活着多么狼狈

为什么这个世界总要叫人尝伤悲

我不能了解也不想了解

我好想好想飞

逃离这个疯狂世界

那么多苦那么多累

那么多莫名的泪水

我好想好想飞

逃离这个疯狂的世界

如果是你发现了我

也别将我挽回

itz sunday again!!!

first of all, yesh my tudi, i know that emo ppl have a hard time overcoming what feelings can do to them but oh well, i guess itz a learning process... but sunday marks another visit to the heavenly clinic for injection time... but though i described to wen, itz more like attending live range every sunday, except for the fact that i am the target board...

sermon was oh well, u know... and sharing was ya like as usual, ended up toking to weien ALONE and ok, fine... then i took the board saying shoot mi and went to tok to fiana... ok... i mean thank God for the ppl that he has put around mi la... reallie veru appreciative...

went for dinner after that, was toking abt the last night, sat night at east coast... was fun, toked to shu qin, quite ok i guess haha... =D east coast seems to be so familiar yet do distance.... itz a refreshing experience actually.... looking forward to the next encounter... then the million dollar question from vinc, izt weird for a gal and guy from cyyam to be sharing one to one? haha... for mi i guess i'm ok with it ba... those who know will know and those who dunno will not know why lo haha... =D anyway oh well... and oh ya.. got roaches in the soup... went to change another one and guess what? also have... haha... maybe they should change the soup name to roaches soup =D

den after dinner wanted to go home but ended up found myself at my tudi's house... =D watched movie...=D think i give the show gladiators 3/5 ba... =D not reallie my type... but itz not the show that matters most i guess, itz the fellowship, the bonding with brithers and sisters in christ that interest mi most... esp when i am gg tru ''theraphy''... ended up i reached home 12 plus plus plus but it was all worth it... =D

thoughts

seems funny how little thinmgs ppl say affect mi the most... iztba case of being too sensitive? or am i just paranoid... i reallie dunno...

people say think with ur heqad but not ur heart and follow it but it just seems so hard to do...

ask mi to think of reasons why i did things with my heart? i could think of a single shit... haiz... pitiful, poor loser...

finally

today is finally friday le, cant wait to get out of this hell... got prayer meeting at night=D can get to see brothers and sisters again le... =D well, ytd worked till late but after that my mdm told mi that she will be on leave today so that leaves mi with onli my boss to bark at mi, will it be a good thing or not? onli time can tell... oh well, count down 10 more hours... =D

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

today stepped into office at 0715 and started work all the way till 1845 then knock off... itz terrible thinking that i am spending more time in camp then at home... sigh... crazy camp and work place... hope that church camp will come soon... i am in need of some spiritual injection...

trired.. sianz...

trired.. sianz...

ytd finished duty and my boss didn;t allow mi to sleep haiz... was so tired for the whole dae, didn;t manage to concentrate on anything at all... haiz... did like dunno how mani drafts of letters and dunno how mani thousand corrections haiz... tied as hell...

went back home and had a cold shower, den knocked out le... feeling much better today, thanks to all the prayers.. =D

stress

sick stress sianz...
itz so cold down here...

brrr...

fantastic sunday...

sunday was great... the morning sermon had alot of great reminders and boi do i have to buck up, as in in my spiritual life la... (quite direct to myself but i guess itx good... ) well, fellowship was as per normal and den we played street bandy... was not the best of times and ppl to play with but oh well, long time nv play le so i ended uo sweating quite a fair bit... =D lost lehz haha... skill deteorate le, must go back to my mountain le haha... =D then end up today i aslo nv get to go out with themn for fellowship dinner haiz... but instead went to safra tampines to eat sakura with my family and relatives to celebrate my granny's borthday... she is so cute especially when the restuarant played the happy birthday song for her and she blew out the candle... SHE ACTED SHY HAHA... oh well, 70 plus plus years old le, i wish 9i could be like her next time, so mani mani children and grandchildren to clelbrate with her... =D oh well, hope the rest of the guys did have fun w/o mi at the dinner la haha... =D join u all next week!!! oh oh oh looking forward to friday night and sat!!! =D

sat bzbzbzbz

sat morning went to tiong bahru plaza for breakfast hhee=D had prata oh man, haven hyad that in a long while le lolx... somebody was late, i will not say who lolx.. anyway later mi and weien went to sks and got some books and present, ehx itz for Andrew la lolx... yesh i know it is long over due le but itz the heart that counts right? lolx... =D but had a good time reaing some materials there la lolx... =D anyway got a commentry for wanny also lo, so hard to choose... =D but got one in the end, quite lively de, if u know what i am toking about haha, so hope wshe will be able to read it la lolx...

ya anyway later went to central mall and had lunch, wanted to find cathrine who was suppossed to be working there but oh well, i forgot what was the name of the reatuarant that she was woprking in and there was so many japanese reatuarants there so i gave up, anyway we were hungry so just went to the foodcourt and had lunch, but it was not bad also la lolx, some taiwan cuisine... =D

den i met weihong, thank you brother for the wonderful tok. well, somethings are reallie long overdue la but i did my homework le lolx... =D ya had a good tok too... =D

went weien house afetr that cause he said he wanted to do his essay, which he didn'e excatly complete half as he said that he will want to, and we went out to meet xiaoling yanheng and peien for dinner... =D we went china town there the maxwell food centre... there reallie alot of thinggs to choose from la, dunno what to eat but in the end i go healthy and choose the hakka dish... long time nv eat hakka dish le =D but iend up i bought carrot cake too to share so quite unhealthy alao haha... but oh well, i onli do these type of things on friday nights sat and sun la, in other words onli weekends then i will splurge abit haha... =D had a fun time walking around aimlessly in the end, toked abit and went separate ways.... sigh...

went to fetch vincent in the end, waited in T2 starhub and when the time came to go we couldn't find the flight and ended up we saw the number in the T3 thingy lolx. walked to T3 and waited for sometime, toked alot of crap with ty haha... as usual, yes lolx... oh well, being with him always cant be sad de la, just abit too sacarstic that;s all haha... =D ya so took a hour long bus ride home and here i am, blogging and typing the prayer requests at the same time... =D kkz la must wake up early to go church tml... sleep le... nightsxz.......=D

best day of 2008 yet...

enjoying the fellowship time, gathering and just plainly seeing brothers and sister around mi... being happie, doing nothing, or stupid things... thank you Lord... =D

love

loving someone is giving someone the permission to break ur heart without asking for anything back in reply...

sianz............

sigh... reallie activated le... on standby till end APR!!! freaking mas guy!!! ARGH!!! have been staying back late to complete thigs till 6 plus for the past days le... ahiz... SAF day is reallie taking toil on mi le... itz starting... haiz... jia you jayson...

tiring sunday, thanksgiving... =D

sunday was super tiring... rushes back from camp back home then cabbed down to church... still got time to eat breakfast, haha... sermon was good, alot of reminders... seems like every sunday the old mi will be lined up at the executionn ground and be shot to death... but come tuesday. wednesday, it revives again... leaving mi to be shot yet again coming sunday... sigh... had an unexpected angel helped mi this time round... was initially not my problem... maybe someone had a reason to ask mi to sit into the conversation... den as i sat in the conversation and hear them tok, i was recollected to my own problems... no thanx to what they say... but well, reallie give thanx for yet another spiritual mentor willing to hear out, not condemning, and guiding... reallie have some things to settle with myself now... =D thanx for all the prayers...

anyway we went to eat steamboat, for the third time in four weeks... =D I AM VERY VERY VERY HAPPIE!!! =D... haha... beef is good and nice and healthy... =D yea... had a fun time and even after everything, we chatted till like almost 10... late but i enjoyed it... didn;t know why i didn;t feel tired though once on the bus i slept like a pig, but i didn't snore horz =D oh snoring was a big topic in our conversations... lolx... ya.. toked from snoring to siblings to seekers to hairstyles after PT.. whatever u can think of we tok lo lolx... =D just so fun to be with ppl from church... reminds mi of the old times.. though i lived far, i dun mind staying even later but well, good thinngs must end somehow... but thank ALL for the wonderful time... =D

my random thought throughout the whole day...

sianz ah.... duty was boring as hell man... reallie didn't know what to do and what could i do...

haiz...

think i reallie gotta start working le or else my plans for alot of things cannot be materalised...

freaky MSG came back to work on sat... stupid, can rest dun wanna rest no life la...

shit still thinking of things which i shouldn't be thinking of...

die and there's alot of new temptations in camp... jialat...

oh games are so fun to play... though abit stupid but quite cute...

yea i got my LCP rank le... sunday gg to beach road in the afternoon break anybody wanna

follow or drive mi there ma?? hehe...

wa this post reallie veri random lehz...

sigh... I WANNA BOOK OUT!!!

lucky got internet to use in camp or else i reallie rot whole day ah...

when will mas selamat be caught?? not because of him our tracon level go up le haiz...

stupid army, can let a limping person run away from detention... useless...

oh the MWO also cameback work whole day... siao ting tong...

haha okkz tired liaoz... shall leave it at here ba...

sat

am in camp now, doing duty... i know mani of u are in kukup now haiz... enjoying life with seekers... others are at the nus open house... some at my phs open house... others just still sleeping... army reallie sucks man... and i still have freaking 9 more months!!! OH MY GOSH!!!

confused

what a weird dream i had, totally reflects my lust for the world...
my mind is still thinking about worldly things...
HELP!!!

I FINALLY SURVIVED TODAY!!!

reallie reallie thank God today... can i say it was the first time i experience Him in a long time? it was overdued yes it was... but never was it his fault... itz just that i didn't want to accept the facts laid out bare in front of mi... glad for the chance, glad for everything today...

was not feeling well physically when i went to work today but nonetheless went. think i explained why in the previous post le... well, knocked off at 1830, late iyes but i survived... thanks to all the prayer from brothers and sisters and support...

much much appreciated...

lesson learnt early in the morning

truely thank God for letting mi see things early in the morning and let mi start my day out nicely... morning woke up and was sick, but i dare not dun go camp for my fren is sick and on medical leave so if i dun go then nobody would be there to help my mdm le... thus i just went, shower change and got out of the house... it was raining... so i got to the bus stop that was sheltered all the way from my house and waited for the one and onli bus there... 20 mins past and there was still no sign of the bus... i didn;t want to go up back and get an umbrella and so i persisted for SOMETHING THAT WOULD NOT COME... and when i finally relented and checked the bus timing, it says that the first bus was at 0645, in which the time was onli 0620... so i had no choice but to get back to my house and get my umbrella...

sometimes in life, i guess i am waiting for something which will not happen at all, or rather, wishing for things to happen not at the correct timing... i reallie should give up and go ''by God's way'', going back home and taking the umbrella... guess it was divine intervention...

to complete the story, when i got down the building with the unbrella on hand, and just as i was taking my first few steps in the direction of what seemed to be a bleak and misty road caused by the rain, it suddenly began to subside... and when i reached the other bus stop, it ''completely'' stopped except for a super light drizzle... i was fustrated at first and thought ''why do this to mi''?? i felt like being toyed around but i just heard a voice, still ever calmly saying to mi,
things will get ever better as long as you are willing to take the first step... and even if it reallie pours again now, you have an umbrella with u, so fear not...

i thank God for the lesson this morning and will bear that in mind... =D

decisions...

ytd and today was darn boring... sianz... army life i reallie cannot taker it le... somemore itz onli the beginning of the busy period.... should i report sick?? but my fren is alreadi sick on medical leave and if i go off sick then nobody will be there to help my mdm le... sigh... decisions decisions decisions...

eventful sunday

haha today was the first lesson of Gen... was interesting as compared to other Gen ''tutorials'' tt i have heard lolx... so cudos to UJ...but 3/4 way something cropped up at home and i reallie hope nothing's wrong... =D pls do pray for shi mu...

oh b4 that the morning sunday service got the skit...=D IT WAS A BLAST!!! =D well, thank God for wei hong, the ah beng kia... =D he was putting in so much effort and so on forth for the sit, guess it reallie did pay off... except for the fact that the lost memory part was abit not clear untilailig said tt ba... =D but all in all, it was a great show, performance, service...=D

after everything we went to see uncle kim hao in mt.E... well,thank God tt his op went super smoothly and that he can now walk and eat and so on... =D thank God... and he was so happie in seeing us,so mani ppl=D haha... guess that's what i like abt CYYAM too...=D

after that went to meet my dear ck... =D long time nv see himhe still look the same la... =D but i think i dot dot dot dot dot dot dot liaoz... hai... had a fun time updating each other abt ourlives and yesh, he had a great time suanig mi and showing mi his pinky... MINE IS FREAKING 9 MOE MONTHS!!! haiz... wel, had ramen again, yesh xl, ajisen again, his treat=D...he draws a pay la, i onli draw allowance... haha.... so that's like fair right? lolx.... he apparently didn't think so and the movie, we watch water horse, was my treat... lolx... oh and ty joined us for the movie...

water horseis ok not bad la... i mean, cause i read the book b4 ma, and not onli one time... if u are a dreamer like mi then i guess u would not find the movie up to expectations... but seriouly itz quite different from the book, but well, still nt bad la... =D story is nice and touching... nessie is KAWAIIIIIIII!!!*onli in the first part*

the movie certainly tells mi something... learning to let go may be the best choice for both parties after all... it doesn't matter how long the relationship was but as long as it has happened, it will never be forgotten, and it never can be forgotten... how applicable... sigh...

point to ponder...

yesterday is already a dream...

tomorrow is a vision...

but living well today,

makes every yesterday a dream of happiness...

and every tomorrow a vision of hope...

i'll never ever
make a promise that i will break,
say something that i will regret,
do something that i will nv forgive myself for again...

sat night fever....=D

i finally understand what does the go go brother means liaoz... haha... today was a super fantastic day... meeting ppl all the day, ok maybe except for the morning, i was like kind of slacking la =D well, afternoon had sing-a-long session... lolx... OK sorrie i was late... i bought tibits to ''pei jui'' haha... everyone was like so high la lolx... though i did kill chicken for a few moments, my voice not settled yet la dun blame mi ok, ppl still growing.. haha... yng mma =D lolx anyway was a great time la.... =D halfway tru went to church to prepare for the skit, TML!!! ok i am not directly involved... but see them rehearse i keep thinking back to the original scene lolx... den cant help laughing.... hope everything goes well tml la...

den i rushed back JIT to hear them sing the last song... was like,

everybody,''ah kai en lai le, kai en lai le''

den in the choas some one, sorrie i didn;t notice hu, it was too chaotic den...
then i heard,'' kai en last song liaoz... yi qi high!!!''

i was like ok... ... ... i onli just came back and cant get into the feeling with them so i just sang along lo.... then the rest were like jumping up and down, and left and right, and up and down and left and right... =D was fun being together, just enjoing the fellowship... going to K with them is so different from going to K with drew they all... different ppl, different feel, different songs, different stmosphere... but still i feel the genuine happiness of just being together in both sides... =D

then we went to ajisen... =D RAMEN!!! xl was like, i dun mind i dun mind!!! haha... peien joined us later and we shopped abit... there was some ind of art fair going on and we were all mesmerisd by the characteristic potrait drawing going on, one little boi, one little gal being drawn... =D so kawai!!!

well, all good things must come to an end and of course, every goodbye is for the next hello, and so we will meet again... =D in a few hours time... cant wait =D

random self composed....

good ol friday night, suppossed to take flight,

but ended up instead, i almost made a mistake.

but lucky for mi, God let mi see,

the importance of friendship, and fellowship.

i may have been bad, led a life so sad,

away from God, away from our Lord.

yet still He call, when i'm facing the wall,

''Oh come back to mi, and soon u'll see,

that i'm ur Lord, ur saviour ur God!''

on bed i lay, i cry i pray,

that i reallie might, make use of this night.

to think and reflect, of the times i've neglect,

the promises i've made, so mani times i've said.

From today oh Lord, i'll follow u God.

save mi from pain, satan's mighty chain.

that i'll be ur child, so gentle and mild,

oh Lord teach mi today, least i fall astray...

life has been nothing but a bore... ok i know that yesh it is late and i should be on the bed but well, felt like blogging... just feel that this is so much better then toking to someone, cause no matter if it agrees or not, it will not scold or rebuke u... just patiently listen, and listen and give u time to think of ur own solutions... sort everything out and analyse the situation... perhaps, just perhaps...

ytd my ''upper study'' was on mc and didn;t come to work so i had to bear the grudge of all the arrows coming at the DOCU section... mainly from the one sir and mani mdms... sigh but managed to solve all the arrows la, but was busy lo... didn't have much time to do just about anything except for the much needed breakfast that i ''accidently'' took more time den what i shoud have... well, it was raining what so we took shelter at the canteen where i was having breakfast lo... oh but i bought sweets for my Mdm and i think ok le ba... =D

sigh and i still haven aply for the church camp leave yet!!! oh no... actually after i blogged and went back to sleep it became the last thing on my mind le... haiz... maybe i should write it down somewhere so that i will not forget once i go back to sleep later... well, i guess that's about it la... so adios for now... =D

ohya suminasai!!!=D

random post

haiz i know i am not suppossed to be awake at this time but aiya... cant sleep lehz... there seems to be something bothering mi all the time... like some things that i should get out of myself but i cant... feel like i'm being bounded by something intengible... FREAK!!! and worst off, i seem to be losing the battle against this unknown creature who seems to know every single move of mine to twart him, he seems to be able to counter my every move!!! i'm so so tired of fighting alone, maybe i should just wait for somebody to come and rescue mi...

oh oh... uncle kim hao's op was a success, according to the msg passed down... =D was so happie whejn i received the news that i almost shouted for joy but remembered just in time that i would have been signing extra duties given by my mdm if i had did that... well, was overjoyed to hear that he is fine... now all that is left is for him to rest well and get back on the road to recovery... =D

oh and i may be starting to work very very very soon... where? dun tell u all in case later u ask the military police and catch mi there, haha... army not suppossed to work lehz, what crappy rul is that suppossed to be lo haha... i simply cant take that rule... no pay somemore, just an allowance of like 400 bucks where got enough?!?!?! lolx... aiya... anyway i also breaking alot of rules in my LIFETIME here in army le, for example using the Internet computer in camp for personal purposes, ok albiet i am not the onli one who uses it for personal purposes la... MY MDM DOES THAT ALSO OK!?!?!? (oh sorrie, i didn't notice that was in CAPS haha... =D ya so anyway just hope that i get the job and dun get caught lo haha...

going to apply leavefor church camp today, as in officially ask and approve la so pray too.. i reallie miss going church camp :( missed it the last time and i felt so miserable.. haiz... heard that everyone had a fantastic time and i was at my driving course kanna scolding every hour... sianz... better hope i can go this yr round... =D

life run!!!

today is wednesday, sigh... my camp every mon, wed and fri got this thing called life run... lolx.. itz a stupid thing where to exercise together and run together at other ppl's pace... unless ur shoulder is full of crab, then the other ppl will run at ur pace... the thing is they just du care abt other ppl likemi lo... those that cannot run so i think i am not going to exercise in camp ever... cant i just freaking go exercise and run at my own pace own my owm!?!?!? haha... anyway i got wake up early early go run de la... like sat and sun also so shld be no problems... =D

ya so anyway pls pray for mi, was suppossed to meet wh ytd but dunno why also did'y feel like it... like got something stopping mi lo... some hinderence... like somehow dun see the point of telling him... like think that the thing is not important... i still have the feeling of feeling that it is a burden to let other ppl know abt what happen, esp if it doesn't reallie involve them.. but deep down i know that they wanna know what happened to mi everytime i seem not ok or whatsoever... so ya... dilemma everytime...

3 more days!!!

tuesday le!!! 3 more days to... ... ... =D

Well, ytd was good u know, mdm left in the afternoon den we were slack, the system's OA was down, something like computer internal system la dunno how to explain also haha, so in the end the whole afternoon we could not do anything also, so slack lo haha...

today morning early early early go camp kanna scolded by the mdm liaoz, for something we didn;t do also.... all because of another mdm, haiz... nv ever believe what other ppl say, esp those not ur immediate superior... she got us into trouble, so freaking blur and idiotic... haiz...

den we went to mount E to see uncle kim hao... well, reallie inspired by him, keeping faith tru all these difficulties and all... was a joy to see him still smiling and keeping faith in the Lord... tml 1330 he is going in and probably will come out at around 1630 to 1700 like that.. all pls pray for him...

den had dinner at food republic, hmmmz, crowded as usual, we ''forced'' away two guys, think they were probably toking some biz things, those things look very familiar... haha... anyway den we had army tok with jj, dunno what he thinks abt army now also... haha... hope that he will receive his enlistment letter soon ba... den can shi ying the huan jing there lo haha... =D

yupz, anyway itz late le... willl update u all again...

thanx to all who hae been hearing*(or rather seeing) mi out in my blog... appreciate it... =D

monday...

monday sucks man... in camp, dead tired... sianz...

itz onli the start of the week and i am already not surviving... sigh... sianz ah...

sundays...

sundays are the best seriously... ok maybe sats too... but itz the onli time where i now i amsurrounded by frenx who reallie care and can have fun together with... ok i do have fun with my other frenz too but it reallie feels different...

today we had steamboat buffet AGAIN!!! ye and xl were tempted to go AGAIN and AGAIN they couldn't resist the temptation... hehe... itz reallie the fellowship that makes it so precious and meaningful to be together and fun and happie together... fiana vinc and family came too =D of course wen was there... this time yh wh sm pe and jj joined us... =D it was almost likened to a reunion dinner...well, after the group left early for tcr, it was left with wen jj xl ye sm and mi=D

after that we, the six of us, sat down and toked over the boiling tom yam and chicken soup for a ''family reunion'' talk... as usual, it was anything goes...from ho we eat food, to DISC, to pouring out last time's embarassing stuff... it was reallie heart warming... =D

the following para is specially dedicated to jj:

i believe in the past we have not seen eye to eye with each other... but i thank God that though i was so mean and may not have ben in control of my own actions and feeling when i'm stress of whatever, i was onli looking at the big picture and nt noticing how ppl around mi felt... being un feeling and self-centered, onli wanting thigs to be done but not caring abt how other ppl felt, does causing hurt to i suppose quite a few ppl, including u... so sorry...

BUT

i reallie thank god that He has indeed changed mi to a certain extend and if not the heart problems that we had with each other would not have been solved, and today's situation would not have appeared... I AM REALLIE VERY HAPPIE=D!!!

ok back to the main story...

den we went to bugis and shopped, a bit of a dejavu eh =D so we crapped along everything we saw and i think we made a din everywhere we went... as usual... =D but it was just fun to be together woth brothers and sisters and enjoying ourselves, though it may be said that what we did in practical was a bit unproductive la...=D but no matter what, we stilended up in the same shop again, playing witht the same things, having roughly the same comments, laughing at the same things, but till enjoying it... =D so i guess, it was all good and we allhad a good time.. =D

ya so anyway sat decided togo K some songs.. thus must start training my voice le, if no lao kui in front of so mani gao shou haha... but i am sosure i am going to have a good time la...=D and i predict i will ''kill chicken'' at some point of time.. =D

seriously i thank God for a group of brothers and sisters to be with and making mi happie all the time when i am with them.. lie what my tudi sad today, dunno what willit be like if we had no fellowship like this lo... itz like this is how we survive, looking forward to every weekends, every meeting up and gathering... itz the bond that we have that made mi destroy the idea of leaving church... since i have decided to stay, i have decided that i might as well make themost of it and go the way that i am suppossed togo.. hope all will pray for mi...=D

flowers

roses are red, violets are blue...

flowers are pretty and they remind mi of u...

when can i ever learn, to truely know...

that letting go, letting God is the best way to go...

rainbows are colourful, and life is too...

but maybe i've been too much of a fool, i'm just a fool for u...

DIE!!!

looks like nobody has any solutions for mi, nobody knows what to do...

those that know about my problem are at lost too of what to do, nothing practical to help mi...

i'm doomed... even i dunno what to do...

worse off... i dunno what i want myself...

i'm dead, so so dead...