updates of my life.
Dear Dairy...
lots of things happen, u know right? no, oh well, maybe somethings are better left unsaid.
what am i doing now? well, i am holding on to a number of portfolios in my life right now, none of them seem to be moving the way i want it to right now. sad right, oh well, nothing can be rushed. but then again having said that, maybe i should be just abit more hardworking. maybe, just maybe. there's so much things to do with so little time. PASSION vs PRACTICALITY, which should i choose? which is the most optimum one in life, should i follow my dream? i wanna do something of purpose, not face the books and computer all day and yet, this is what i have to do most of the time. i cant draw energy out of electronics, i onli can draw them out of people(yes call mi a life sucker)
in case u do not know, i have already left aps. sad, but true, i still cant believe that i have left. ppl tells mi that it seems like i have not left, i have been going back to help out, maybe thats why some ppl think i am not serious in doing my own things, whatever, let them think whatever they want. i know what i am doing. ppl question mi, the kids adore mi, the teachers need mi there, why is it that i left, well, i can onli say dreams, following my dreams, but having said that, the dream is turning out into a mini nightmare right now. terrible, i hope ihad made the right choice. what the place has become after i left is nothing short of imagination. i know i could have made a difference esp after what i have heard. WTH IS HE DOING?!?!?! IF HE DOESN'T WANNA WORK THEN DON'T!!! DUN DRAG PPL INTO HIS PROBLEM OR MAKE PROBLEMS BIGGER THEN IT ALREADY IS!!! *sorry for shouting.
facing certain problems with certain people, apparently we dun seem to see eye to eye on alot of issues. realie do not know what is his problems. he has a stable job, stable income, gf, and he's anxious about this? i should be the one that is more anxious come on. not saying i am not, but they way he does things, sigh, how to form a tremendous partnership like this. well, onli time can tell. and the other, who knows what he is thinking, feel like i do not know him as well as before, well it's onli normal u say? ya, but i nv thought things would have gone this way.
things are not excatly fantastic in ssm too, what becareful what i type here, someone might see it? well, let him or her see it, i have nothing to hide. i've been trying my best to give and give and give but it seems like thats all that is going to ever happen. will i get tired of giving, guess what, i already am. sometimes i have the feeling of going off on a long long long long long vacation leave, and never come back. becareful what i wish for? oh well, i realie hope for one. the feeling is terrible, to give so much and not seeing any reciprocation. nope, not that they are bound to have or they must have or i am expecting, but somehow, u would wish that things are different. yes yes, i know u heard from ur cousin FB that i said my new motto towards all these will be LGLG, let go and let God. but like what he told u too, everytime i said it's ok, it's alright, it actually pains mi. why?!?1 why cant u even think a logic to this simple question u asked urself, because i know i am allowing them to do something that is not the "most right" choice. something against the principles of the bible. yes, i know they will learn in time, or rather i hope they will learn in time, but still, u would have hoped the same that they will learn the easier way out right? not everyone has to learn the hard way u know.
oh well, things will go as they are, what i cant change after i try, i will have to accept them. whoever reciprocate, i will give more, that's all i can promise. kkz, i'm tired of typing already, maybe next time i will upgrade u to a voice recording dairy, so i dun have to type so much, just speak. =)
jays blogged at Tuesday, April 17, 2012
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