life...

have been very tired very very tired... army life is getting more and more stressful and sometimes, i even wonder what's all the fuss abt... itz like they are always rushing for nothing... sigh... if onli they saw it... den after work go back home, i'll go tuition my little kid Brandon... yes itz tiring but i always enjoy my sessions with him... no doubt fear for his work, i can sense tt he is reallie trying his best and tt is what matters most, if onli parents can see tt too... sometimes, people put too much stress and expectation on each other, esp their own children, or as a matter of fact their clerks in my case... and when ppl get stress, yes tt is where u see their true colours... i am in no denial tt i also have my stress times, as u all can vouch for it, and that i will be quite a not good person to be with but at least i can say i was better then b4... not them though... maybe even worse... oh well, it doesn;tconcern mi does it? 8 more months to go...

loving u...

i still love u yes i do, just in a different way... take care...

cao ah beng

today morning's sermon was good... =D prayer prayer... why we dun pray and what common mistakes in prayer... =D made mi think so much... things tt we often over look are general blessings of God... we need not ask our parents everyday if we can stay in the house tonight or not for we know by their general blessing we can... we need not ask them to prepare meals for us but they will for their general blessings... same does apply to our lives... but these are excatly the things tt we are often taking for granted... taking as if itz io should have them and so, itz time to count my blessings... instead of grumbling and grumbling abt life, think abt the things tt we have so often over looked... count my blessings... =D

sigh today someone commented that my dressing was too beng lehz lolx... very ah beng mehz? haha... aiya... i reallie not sure... but should i be changing my personal opinion just because of what someone said? lolx i reallie dunno la... whatever, u all can go ahead and decide ba... =D

someone said something abt this the other time also haha.. i reallie dunno la... maybe that is why i sometimes say singapo0re is stilll not that open yet, even to the sense of dressing sense...

remembrance... time to move on...

bought something today... bought something that i shouldn't have bought but still i did... something as a token of remembrance, something... chatted till late night or rather early morning ytd... decided that it was high time i put a stop to all that had mattered... for old times sake, i chatted... everything ended on a positive note though, itz time i move on... what more can i say, what more can i do? guess itz onli a long sigh...

watched forbidden today, wasn't as good as i expected it to be, neither was it as bad as i pridicted it to be... so ok la... for a person going to watch it because of the fighting, *(unlike some ppl watching it for the ppl), i would give it 4/5 ba... plot of story 1.5/5... english of actors 3.5/5*(they tried very hard ok =D) yupz...

sianz

reallie dun understand why... why must i be the one who bears the grunt of all the other people's work, or rather non-work... because they never do things, i have to be blamed... upper to the power of dunno how mani study, didn't do things... so now, i have to do everything... dunno why Cheif Clerk choose to use now also... sigh... sianz...

forever...

tired of life...
life is tough...
tough times trains up people...
people are selfish...
selfish is bad...
bad is not good...
good is hard...
hard is difficult...
difficult is impossible...
impossible is nothing...
nothing is forever...
forever is tired...

i am tired...

jayson is hungry and tired...

Jayson is hungry and tired...

funny human nature, a reflection of myself...

was riding on the mrt, on the way home today... train was packed as usual... as usual, some ''considerate'' ppl will want to stand near the door of the mrt and not want to move in, as if they will go down on the next stop, but what they wanted to do is to convinient themselves so as to prevent the moment of squeezing out part when they are finally going to alight... how considerate right? sigh... every morning and evening, the same things happen... worse off if u take the same train everyday, u see the same ppl, doing the same ''considerate'' thing, and u start swearing and cursing the same thing altogether again...

when i am wearing my uniform though, i will think twice... something that is confusing even myself, for fear of slender? why am i caring so much abt my image of others abt SAF when i dun even like SAF... what abt being a christian? i told a brother of mine not long ago... being alive is hard, being a christian alive is harder, being a good christian alive is the hardest... how true... itz not like we wear a shirt everyday that says ''i am a christian'' written on the back of our shirts... if i reallie do that, i think i will be more weary of my actions... so why iznt it consciously in our minds? weird... time for some self reflection, and yes, prayer... ... ... (application of sermon...)

Whee... =D

ytd was with vincent spending the night away, celebrating his birthday also, so not much time to blog alot... so shall recap ytd abit...

uj was sharing abt this book, and to say the truth i was not reallie listening... cause after he said the chinese version of the book, i was thinking of a song alreadi and boy did it bring back meories... and there's one line that goes something like...

千万人中你独一无二

坚强的活出生命的色彩

how i miss those times, times of youth and innocent... ok i am still young... no doubt not innocent anymore as many can testify...

anyway received news that the next fellowahip will be 2 weeks later and playing badminton... =D Whee... =D so well, prepare yourself for matches... =D

sunday's sermon was weird and interesting... had some points to ponder and so on... =D had a good discussion too... already looking forward to the coming friday, prayer meeting... to apply what i have learnt to action... counting down 5 Days!!! =D

must wake up early tml morning, sending my fren to BMT Tekong!=D

oh and i fogot to add... today had steamboat again... =D Sorry xl, something cropped up at home so had to go home instead of tcr, my apologies...

gathering

ok i have accomplished all themissions that i set out doing today... =D which means iamahappie guy... =D yes tt includes running in themorning... =D Whee...=D

oh gosh... jj lost his hp today...not sure how still... but everyone was trying to look for it... he was quite like paisae like tt cause everyone helped... but i think tt isthe power of fellowship and the bonding in Christ we have... =D i mean jj, if someone else had lost something den u would also wanna help lookfor it right? =D

today first time tok to px ALOT!!! haha... think the fellowship is reallie helping... =D like got to know more about him and found tt we actually had quite abit in common... =D and found tt he is quite talkative... =D and fun loving too... =D oh took a super act cute pic, hope wont be posted... haha... =D

i like the last sentence... this is the resylts of a survey i did btw... =D

You are quite, reserved, but very creative. A lot of people don't seem to understand you because you have your own 'beat'. You enjoy both the light and dark side of life, and sometimes this comes off as a little creepy. You are sometimes too quite, you need to learn to speak up!!! You are very intreperative and creative in your workplace/activities and tend to be a good follower. You often dislike confrontation and would rather just forget problems, as opposed to fighting or talking about them. You love to read and write, and love to look very 'Posh'. Although you are often misunderstood, you are undoubtably cool.

things to do tml...

wake up early tml... *shldn't be a prob...

do QT... *if i decide not to escape again...

go for morning run... *shld be quite a problem...

meet weien... *this one is bo bian...

go for worship practice... *another bo bian...

go east coast/hong's house for fellowship... *if dun go means i sot diao liaoz...

go meet Vincent... * if i still have the strength...

my internet is back...

finally i can blog in the comfort of my own home... =D so happie... i miss my com... or rather my net... =D *i miss my hair even more!!!

ok nvm... anyway now my fren he is gg for a chief clerk course... so i'll be alone, doing all the shit for the next week all the way till friday... yup.. pls pray for strength... =D

haha anyway going to be friday le, more excited den ever... finally understood somethings acomes onli once in a lifetime and must treasure it always... perhaps i shld implement this thought into my army life but reallie dun think can lehz lolx... =D

tuition

haha ytd went to tuition my little Brandon again... he is just so cute... =D oh well... anyway ytd was math so he had quite a fun time... =D i gave him speed tests and ok... he did well la for his standard lolx... onli on 3 and 4 multiplication tables though... den tried to let him see the relation between

35 + 65 = 100 so 100 - 65 = ??

and he will stare at mi like itz the most hardest question to answer... hmmmz... anyway i succeeded... number bonds... haha... i like primary school math... itz so easy=D not to the students though... =D

ITZ THURSDAY!!! means one more day le... =D to tuition ministry again and then fellowship... cant wait... =D

at last... at least...

whee!!! today my mdm is not coming... means i can sleep the whole day lolx... =D

finally i understand something... letting go is the onli way u can move forward... being chained down to where i was is not anyone's fault as everyone is ahead of mi, not able to save mi... why? not because they dun wan but onli i have the key to unlock the chain and i just simply refused to... God knows why i refuse to unlock even though it felt so bad being chained down... but i admit the scars on my hand, caused by the chains will be back to haunt mi from time to time...

putting down guilt and moving forward has always been difficult... not sure about u guys la but for mi, some things like relationships, no matter what kind of relationships, are super hard to let go... maybe that explains why i am still in contact with seekers from the past... *(hmmm sounds ancient=D... ) oh well...

regret it also integral for holding mi down... the fear has always been there...having suffered from it for quite a few times, the fear IZ much much very real and alive and recent... and it IS killing mi...

but i pray tt all this will come to an end if i boldly unlock myself from the cuffs... hopefully... have been reading traveling light*(thank cch for the book) and it did alot to spur mi to my decision... sharing by my brothers also helped... i just pray that i can reallie stick to the decision and not regret or fall back... =D

itz onli wednesday and i am not surviving le... gosh... oh tonight have to go tuition my cute little brandon again... =D Whee... =D math today... think he will like it more... lolx... =D at least something to look forward to... =D

happie=D

finally can get to blog again, cause i am in camp.. haha... well, my internet still not fixed yet la damn... lolx...

sigh... weekends seem to pass so fast, even with my monday off, it still seems so fast lolx... sat woke up at close to 10am, for the first time in dunno how mani thousand yrs... lolx... then went church, practice and went home knocked out... lolx... actually wanted to disturb xl and zl to have dinner with them de but thought that it would be too evil... lolx... sunday went church very early, partly because i woke up like 0530, i slept at 20++ the last night lolx... sermon was very fruitful, kanna shot yet again... kind of expected... after that went to watch a Japaneses show at xl's house... itz qi miao wu yu... i realised what i have been missing out in my past yrs.... crap shows that makes u laugh and think like this one lolx...

monday went to meet wh... though didn;t get to convey somethings to him but still managed to tok about some stuff... which was good... i guess... den the greatest part... SHOPPING!!! ok la... got a pair of white stripped berms, a blue checkered shirt and a white sleeveless vest... =D WONDERFUL!!! never felt so happie, materialistically, for a long time le lolx...

so went home and went to my dear boi's house, Brandon... =D ytd finally understand why is he always so distracted and not concentrating during my english lessons... he hates english!!! lolx... coming out from a pri2 students moputh, WHAT IS THE EDUCATION COMING TOO??? sigh... reallie wish the singapore education system can look out for such things more and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! itz reallie high time... lolx... tried my best to kindle his interest in english... maybe some of u can give mi more suggestions eh?? =D

oh well, itz about enough blogging and time to start work le la... =D so that's all for now i guess... =D

meaningful...

jj sent this tru mail and i thought that it is very meaningful and MUST be shared...

God determines who walks into your life... it's up
to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and

who you refuse to let go.

whee!!! itz friday!!! and got tuition!!! so there's fellowship- again!!! lolx... i think some ppl will never understand my feeling if they have never been tru army lolx... itz reallie terrible in here... when u have things to do, itz jialat... stress like hell, rush like mad, busy like crazy... when u have nothing to do, cannot slack, must look busy, cannot sleep is the worse part... pretend to be busy so that u will not get shot at...

i realised something... the 3SGs, ok la not all but some, like to throw their cheverons around, meaning, like to press u down with their ranks... haiz,.... and some of them is like younger then i am, and i just cannot stand it la... haiz... bish!

i reallie have the sudden urge to go K again... haiz... but my throat is sore lehz... dunno what happened also... maybe sleep that time nv close mouth then the aircon keep ''ventilating'' my throat den become like this lolx... must drink more water... hehe... =D

sigh monday dunno werther can take off or not lehz olx... I WANNA GO SHOPPING!!! lolx... the 3SG that i was toking about arrowed mi to do something.... haiz... on freaking monday!!! maybe i will go find a replacement lolx... den i can take off le lolx... sigh... army... freaking place...

so random... =D

ytd went to give tuition to my little Brandon, onli Pri2 lolx... HE IS SO CUTE!!! =D oh well, he has ALOT to learn la lolx... was a nice little experience la lolx...

oh gosh today is onli thursday!! aiz... I WANNA GET OUT OF THIS FREAKING PLACE!!! haiz... army reallie sucks...

had a weird dream last night!1 lolx... but when i woke up the onli thing i can remember is that i dreamt of the operation vigilant lions standing down!! ha... i think must be the ri you suo xi ye you suo meng! lolx...

thursday like nothing happening lehz lolx... in that case, hope the day past faster and peacefully ba... =D

den can reach friday le! lolx... then tuition ministry and itz weekends le!!! =D

counted, exctly 8 more months to ROD LO!!!

Jayson is looking forward to church camp!! =D

Jayson is broke!!!

Jayson wants to go shopping!!! ARGH!!!!!

MP Raid

was on half day ytd, went for lunch with my mp br ppl at a dunno what restuarant and had ok la, not a bad time lolx... went home ended up around 3 le, so decided against gg anywhere and just decided to repay my sleep debts... had hell of a sleep... ended up nothing much reallie happened and i am just glad that it stayed that way...

wanted to go online, freaking internet got problems, so i had to wait till friday then i can go online as they siad that they will fix it on friday... hopefully they manage to find the problem...

sianz ah, army life just sucks, had MP raid ytd morning... was a surprise and welcoming intrusion as they took away our work time... quite a few of my frenz got caught for illegal stuff inported from malaysia and indo... den the bastard mdm who didn't came got his clerk, which was one of my best fren, into trouble and i just couldn't take it anymore... sigh... army is reallie a lousy place to be in...

dun bother reading if u dun know mi...

was looking tru my diary or journal yesterday, or whatever u call it... i realised that alot of things i did last time were due to me not being able to control my emotions and feelings... how is it possible that they have taken over mi? i sometimes wonder... but still, i did not get an answer... what i onli realised, the last time, was that i had to take control of my feelings and emotions, but still i failed a miserable second time... and now, the realisation hitted a second time and will i fail again? certainly dun wan to but onli time will tell... what's the point of realising when u cant change?

second chance, second life, seems like i have all wasted it... no point turning back? or what's the point when it is all going to be so painful and hurting... somethings just makes mi wonder and ponder of things that happened last time... ppl tell mi to look forward but not to the back but still i guess i am just to sentimental... how to? i just cant simply let go and forget, not when itz not a happy ending, not when i have the chance to make things right at the other end, not when... ... there's just so mani conditions... but those conditions and terms, are set by a selffish and self-centered mi, by a person who thinks that the world revolves around himself... so what's the point of following? but i just cant, i keep telling myself... itz too painful to walk back... ... ... or izt not?

twins are so cute but easily mistakable...

i guess i'm beginning to enjoy fellowship more then ever... oh well, it was onli expected was it? lolx... itz the closest thing to heaven as some ppl might describe it... oh well, love the fellowship and eating and crapping lolx... well, back to army again, sianz but today mdm is not here so probably can sleep one whole day lolx...

sermon was fantastic, learnt alot of things and have alot of thought la but seem to be avoiding lolx...

genesis was absolutely fantastic except for the fact that i was reallie dead tired toward the end haiz... but luckily there's still recorded version in which i have to do up the notes, which i have no whatsoever freaking idea on how to do it, probably must ask ailing for help le lolx...

den went to xl's house for diner with wen ye AILING haha... surprise right? lolx... she said she wanted to see my tired face but oh well, guess i was too high on pot! lolx... oh something VERY FUNNY heppened... well, sz was playing computer with his back facing mi and mi xl and wen were talking, all behind him la... then sy came in and i ''saw him walking to sz's bed'' and fell asleep right there... then i wanted to ask sy something and was surprised that he didn't answer mi but then i heard a voice coming from my right side, ''hey, ni jiao zuo ren le'' lolx... oh man i was so darn embarrassed... what actually happened was that the twins had moved in such a smooth motion that sy had taken over the seat and sz just left and i think i was reallie just too tired to notice the surroundings around mi haha... oh well, those who were there will laugh more cause they will kind of understand more what i was talking about=D

ok time to go to sleep le lolx... nightz everyone... =D

lessons learnt

super boring... shall blog abt 20 of my lessons learnt in army thus far...

1) itz never pays to offer ur help

2) if u dun stab a person, that person will be revived and stab u back

3) the place where u will be stabbed is in the back

4) it doesn't pay to be direct to someone who has power over u

5) human can be as cunning as anything when it comes to protecting their 30 plus yr job

6) when ur boss is stressed, just reply yes sir to no matter what, he will forget it later

7) u will nv get credit for anything u do in army

8) itz not fun covering two bigs guns with cover alone

9) itz not fun carrrying 15 person's lunch, drink, deserts all at one time, all by urself

10) if u can get a downgrade, get it asap, dun go tru all the shit and then downgrade, stupid

11) being a clerk may not be the best thing on earth

12) MAJ(RET) may have the rank and money, but they dun have brains, dun even know how to open an email attachment or attach a file or do up a excel sheet or do up a powerpoint slide and the list goes on

13) the onli real companion u can trust in army is urself

14) there's no way u can win argueing with a person of higher authority no matter how wrong she is, dun bother, save ur saliva

15) if u pack 15 packet of food for lunch for them, they will go out and eat lunch, except for those bo bian ones

16) dun sign on, it makes u a freaky idiot who doesn;t know how to do anything urself

17) overly expressively language is very hard to avoid in army

18) onli crazy ppl comes back to work on saturdays WILLINGLY for passion sake

19) willingly and passion is just an excuse for being no life and lazy during normal work days

20) all the other NSFs think the same way as i do

so there u have it, the top 20 list of things learnt in army... who says u dun learn anything?

lessons learnt

super boring... shall blog abt 20 of my lessons learnt in army thus far...

1) itz never pays to offer ur help

2) if u dun stab a person, that person will be revived and stab u back

3) the place where u will be stabbed is in the back

4) it doesn't pay to be direct to someone who has power over u

5) human can be as cunning as anything when it comes to protecting their 30 plus yr job

6) when ur boss is stressed, just reply yes sir to no matter what, he will forget it later

7) u will nv get credit for anything u do in army

8) itz not fun covering two bigs guns with cover alone

9) itz not fun carrrying 15 person's lunch, drink, deserts all at one time, all by urself

10) if u can get a downgrade, get it asap, dun go tru all the shit and then downgrade, stupid

11) being a clerk may not be the best thing on earth

12) MAJ(RET) may have the rank and money, but they dun have brains, dun even know how to open an email attachment or attach a file or do up a excel sheet or do up a powerpoint slide and the list goes on

13) the onli real companion u can trust in army is urself

14) there's no way u can win argueing with a person of higher authority no matter how wrong she is, dun bother, save ur saliva

15) if u pack 15 packet of food for lunch for them, they will go out and eat lunch, except for those bo bian ones

16) dun sign on, it makes u a freaky idiot who doesn;t know how to do anything urself

17) overly expressively language is very hard to avoid in army

18) onli crazy ppl comes back to work on saturdays WILLINGLY for passion sake

19) willingly and passion is just an excuse for being no life and lazy during normal work days

20) all the other NSFs think the same way as i do

so there u have it, the top 20 list of things learnt in army... who says u dun learn anything?

finally friday, but... ... ...

today is finally friday but my week has onli just began.. later gotta go help out in some workplan seminar... sigh... dunno how long it will take and what time can i bookout then... sigh... dun even know if i can go for tuition ministry.. and sat morning have to book in to do duty... what the freak!!! sunday dun even know if i will be awake for most of the day after the tiring week.. and i am suppossed to help UJ type the gen commentry this month!!! oh gosh, i dun think i am well prepared for it... must go read up!!!

more...

What's your kissing style?

Create your own quiz

Subtle Smoocher

You like your kisses to be soft delicate expressions of emotion. Your partner should be someone respectful and sensitive, who moves at your pace. You value connectedness over sexuality, intimacy over creativity, and you see kissing as a small but special part of a relationship. To you, kissing doesn’t need to be a precursor to anything else, nor does it need to be an overtly sexual act. It can exist simply and wonderfully by itself.

more tests of myself

took a test and this is what i found out... fitting??

What Common Stereotype Do You Fit?

Emo

You're the person who everyone avoids, makes fun of, or perhaps envies. You write sad poetry and maybe slit your wrists once in a while. You're hopelessly depressed, and think on a daily basis how to seek attention. Don't worry, nobody gets you anyway.

Ideal Relationship

just took this online... sigh... whatever does it mean???

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating
You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

sad news...

oh and i just got another bad news... the next YA fellowship, i wont be able to join u all, got duty... =(

oh and pls stock up rice, ITZ GONNA BE ALL GONE VERY SOON!!!

sianz...

haiz... tonight going to be on duty AGAIN...

and tml cant take the off that i was suppossed to be given AGAIN...

cause the boss alreadi said tha6 he has things for mi to do AGAIN...