science centre

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!

science centre has like changed so much la lolx... the last time i went there was like the last time CYYAM had an event there which is i also forgot when le lolx... any even before i reached there, the outsie of the whole thing has changed too... or rather maybe i too outdated la haha...

the journey there was ok ba... was trying to make up a small talk with shaun, the super duper cute little boi which i am attached to, i am so freaking jealous of he xun wo is teaching him haha, anyway all the answers he gave mi were one word answewrs and all lo, haiz... how demoralising haha... =(

then we went in the science centre.. ok itz still as big as usual and i think i will stil get lost in it haha... and i thoght that if u let mi spend a night in it alone i will flip haha... =D yes i am a scardy cat lolx... =D btw had all the eye tricks exhibits and i think we were stuck there quite abit haha... then we went to the dino, body parts and so on... went to see the electricity de demo... haha.,. was excatly trhe same as last time i saw... but think they nv pay the bill or something lolx... then a few times n electricity haha... =D

went to mac for lunch, was like the first time in dunno how mani months i nv eat le.. puo jie le!!! argh haha bo bian lolx... but had a good time liaoz la.. =D den we went to watch the movie, which was ok well, no comments haha... maybe not the correct movie for the kids la lolx... i found it ok, a bit ba ba borig... haha... =D anyway the journey back was more fun la lolx... =D better then the going... =D the rapport was confirm there..

feel so nice to be serving back with the ministry again.. -=D

summary of book...

ok... shall not blog alot but just what i've basically learnt tru the book, finally finished it, yes i know alot of ppl will be proud of mi tyty... =D hehe...

what is ur true self....

• security and significance achieved by being deeply loved by God
• fulfilment found in surrender to God and living our vocation
• identity is who we are - and are becoming - in Christ
• received as a gift with gratitude and surrender
• maintained by garce
• embraces reality as the place of meeting and being transformed by God

wat our false self is...

• security and significance achieved by what we have, what we can do and what others think of us
• happiness sought in autonomy from God and in attachments
• identity is our idealised self, who we want others to think we are
• achieved by means of pretence and opractice
• maintained by effort and control
• embraced illusion as a means of attempting to become a god(ideal person)

u may notice tt the points are excatly different, i mean of course they will be la but notice the difference and i reallie spent time thinking tru the false self pat... itz like so much reminder, and what i am now... bad bad bad... but who says tt the road is going to be a smooth one? itz a narrow and winding road for goodness sake... but we must endure... =D

after the church camp and taiwan trip, have seen mani ppl picking up and wanting to strive towards Christ likeness... i reallie pray tt this is not just a spark athat will go off, but a spark tt will ignite the rest of the ppl around... yes and tt goes for mi too... =D

jia you CYYAM, and everyone reading this... =D may the Good Lord use us as He may, to start a revival in ourselves, CYYAM and GBC... =D

unmasking my false self...

ya, the title certainly sounds scary enough but was pressed on to continue reading... realising that coming out of hiding within ur own false self is in fact accepting God on God's own terms, not the terms that u set with God but what God set with u... not part of the terms but all of it... itz accepting the whole package... and by doing so, we'll finally be our own unique self-in-christ... =D

i guess there're some things tt can be done, practically... and i urge u all, yesh u who are reading this, to do it too... =D spend some time with God alone...

1 ask God to help mi see wat makes mi feel most vulnerable and most like running for cover... allow my self to feel distress if i did not avoid these things. Then allowing God to embrace mi as i am, my true self... itz hard because of guilt... tru out God's word the invitation is clear... ''come unto mi all yee who are weary and heavy laden, and i will give u rest...'' but mani of us feel unworthy and un ready to respond to His invitation because of guilt... we focus on our weaknesses rather then on His mercy... the Blood of Jesus has already made it possible for you and mi to come BOLDLY to the throne of grace, to receive mercy and help... let's responds to His invitation for us to be embraced as we are...

2 Consider how i would like to think about myself, the image of myself which i am most attached to, what i am most proud of myself... Seeing the ways which i use these things to defend myself from the feeling of vulnerability, prepare myself to trust enough to let go of these these ''fig leaves'' of my personal style...

itz a tough load of job to do iznt it?? haha... i think i may be too hard on myself... lox.. hope i can do it ba... =D once again thanx for the book sister, got whacked hard again... =D

prayerful reflection...

okkz wen... as promised... =D

the following is a reflection on today's QT, which i am suppossed to do in the morning but was reallie damn tired... haha...

genuinely knowing myself as i am known by God is frightening... but God knows me and still loves mi deeply, there is stil hope tt i can do the same back... i guess there're 3 main things to take nte off...

1 to genuinely desire it

2 be willing to prayerfully reflect on my own past exprience, different from dwelling in it..

3 have the courage to meet myself, my real self, and God in solitude...

i guess there is reallie no substitute for meeting God in my depths if i desire this knowing... praying tt i might see myself as God sees mi reallie takes courage... one things i got from the book is that, it is in the depths of your own self that God awaits to meet you with transforming love... =D

things i have learnt this week.. =D

there's so mani things in life to be learnt... = i am so happie this week., i mean maybe not really phisically happie but spiritually happie... so mmani thngs to be learnt.. =D

ppl tell mi there cant be a good things that happen to u when all three of ur support grp ppl are overseas... there's no one u can trun to they say... but how wrong they are, and so am i, how wrong... not onli do i have brothers and sisters whom i can turn to for help, i even came to trust more ppl, getting out from the shadows... =D read a book, though not complete, i still managed to learn alot from it... =D itz like WOW! KAI EN U KNOW THIS AND U DUN WANNA FOLLOW AND NOW THEN U WANNA START TO FOLLOW!!! haha...

got scolded so mani times this week, but all for a good cause..=D (like i've been scolded before.. ) oh well, not like i dont know what's coming whwen i set myself to start read the boook.. just that i dont want to read that's all haha.. travelling light.. =D

today taiwan trip's ppl are coming back to Singapore le. =D well, i certainly miss them... reallie... =D dont doubt mi okkz... =D ha... they promised food and clothes.. haha... hope itz not an empty promise... =D

now doing duty, booking out tml, morning, think i will be late for sermon, hope wont fall asleep tml, like during felowship or something haha.. =D oh well, must go settle some things for my DSO le, later then blog ba... =D

points to ponder... =D

personhood is not a personality, it is a gift...

any other is of our own makingand is an illusion...

grounding our knowing of ourself in God's knowing of us anchors us in reality...

our identity is who we experience ourselves to be - the one each of us carries us within...

coming to know and trust God's love is a life long process...

the self that u must come to accept is the self that u truely and reallie are...

reality must be embraced before it can be changed...

i'm pressing on

itz hard living a new life when ur whole support group iz not here to be with u, and i mean literally... weien, hong and UJ all in taiwan, enjoying and for the cause of the gospel... while here i am, battling alone... or so i thought...

thank you Lord for letting mi see brothers and sisters who are willing to pray and care for mi when they dont even know what's the problem at all... i thank every single one of u... =D

don't know if itz God planned or what, but the CD i was listening to was the album Pressing On, songs inspired by the act of Saul to Paul, given to mi by 2 wonderful sisters, yr and zl... i think the dividends paid off, and i was reallie inspired by them, i still am... =D

struck down to the mud, 3 days blind...

filled with the spirit, electrified...

captured so long but suddenly free...

3 days blind but now i see...

Saul was blinded for 3 days, i was blinded for 6 years... how terrible i must have felt(sorry but i cant help feeling self pity...) Lord, your son prays to u that the spiritual sight he has received from u will not be lost, but shared with his family, friends and whoever he may know...

the gift of being yourself...

was reading a book somebody lent mi, was well, impactful to say the least... i haven evn reallie started on the book and it gave mi a fewhard smacks already... =D just a few points to ponder for today, and i mean a few...

self acceptance always precedes genuine self-surrender and self-transformation

identity is never simply a creation, it is always a discovery, true identity is always a gift of God

to truely know love, we must recieive it in an undefended state

to know God is to love God, and to love God is to know God (1 John 4:7-8)

we cannot attain the presence of God, we're already totally in the presence of God. what is absent is the awareness

sitting with my shame in God's presence reallie help mi... Its like God was not shocked by anything at all. in fact, He semed to know everything already... and yet He still accepted mi! i became aware that whatever te shame was about, i did not need to hide it from God, because He knew about it long ago... Sharing it with God tru prayer and everything reallie allowed mi to experience His love for a tender, vulnerable part of mi...

i hope tt u ll will be able to experience it too... onward to a new and better life my dear brothers and sisters... =D

self revival, cyyam revival, church revival, GO!GO!GO!!!!

back from church camp

shall not rantle about how wonderful and whatever the church camp is le, cause later ppl cpmplain... =D well, to sum it all, like what weien said, a taste of heaven... =D

church camp is reallie a wonderful place to be in, encourage all to go if u can...

i have learnt alot and reallie think now, i should not look back at worldy things and temporal stuff... jia you kaien... =D

forged alot of better friendships and love and care between brothers and sisters in christ... reallie had hoped that it will not end... but pls pray for mi as i enter back into the dog race... (army) that i will be a living testimony... =D

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - lessons learnt

what a timely reminder...

doesn't high king peter remind us of so much things? at least he does remind mi, i dunno abt u all... in times of need, who or what do u depend on the most? does it seems like what he said? i think we've waited long enough... but like what queen susan said, dont u remember who was the one who reallie defeated the white witch? or are we like peter, when time comes, we depend on ourselves, our past history, experience to deal with things? it certainly gives mi a good reminder... see the outcome? so mani narnians were sacrificed in the battle of the fort...

doesn't queen lucy reminds us of so mani things too? when the great king reveals himself to us what do we do? we follow him? or follow the crowd just because we will be alone? are we afraid of loneliness? what is the thing that is stopping us from following God in our lives? bravery to follow, maybe making ppl think that we are stupid, taking such a short sword to battle the mighty army of satan, but always remember who is behind us. =D

doesn't king edmund reminds us of so mani things too? how i wish all of us can be like him... once bitten, twice shy... in the first movie, he failed but he came back stronger... when high king peter could not make a decision on weather to believe in the white witch, he made a bold act. how courageous! how i wish i was like him too... and not make the same mistake twice.

doesn't aslan reminds us of so mani thngs too? rise kings and queens of narnia, he said to them... though tey did not trust in him and did not wait and seek him, what was his reaction? he still treated them as kings and queens of narnia... same too will Jesus treat us as brothers and sisters in christ... =D

tml!!!

tml shall be the day, the return of the real mi... up to the mountains to train upmyself again... =D

thank you Lord

i thank God for ur appearance... =D reallie glad to have known u, such a good and understanding brother... =D one who accepts my past is reallie hard to find, perhaps is what u have been through and seen in the other countries that have made u different... anyway just wanna thank God for u, i'll work hard to continue on in the correct path... =D thanks... u made my day

ps this post is over due, should have been on 010608